Saturna

today, just after cleaning a house, my condemned vehicle ran out of gas. not sure if it was the wonderful music that i was jamming while i cleaned, or just an inversely proportional reaction to the full moon - but instead of getting all pissed-off like i would typically, i decided to enjoy myself.

before i even thought for one moment about how to deal with the logistics of no gas, a broken car at home with no carseat, 28 degree weather, and a mile walk to the gas station, i just had me a smoke. then i called my mom and we had a fun chat about how absurd life can be, and about how i think she is an amazingly strong and wonderful person.

then i did call the office and tiffany came to get me and take me for gas, which worked out well for her because she needed out of there for a few minutes. then i had lunch with my dad and was able to speak calmly, genuinely, and with candour - it was nice. used to i would try to discuss how i feel about certain things, but how i feel changes nothing - i must accept things as they are in that arena, and love him anyway, and i do. i do not know if i will ever feel close to my father, but i feel good knowing that i am pretty close to myself, i like myself, and no matter what happens by anyone's determination, i will be ok. i am going to work things out.

trying for yoga tonight, but car issues may trump that. we will see.

This entry was posted on Monday, December 4th, 2006 at 5:59 pm and is filed under Journal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.