surreal
yesterday was a surreal day for me. it started out with me having a lot of really strange, and some very scary, dreams before i woke up. i don't remember many details but i do remember either waking up or being lucid during the scary one. it is a dream i have had maybe once or twice, but this time the story progressed further and it was terrifying. something really bad happening. i remember thinking that i wanted to get up and find jason and get him to talk me down from the whole thing. i felt like i was five and needed my mommy.
the other dreams had all kinds of people from my past in them, including someone i haven't thought about or seen in a very long time, someone who hurt me very badly, someone who told the truth about as much as most people tell lies. i found myself hoping this person is ok, has grown up, gotten off drugs, and is living a positive life. who knows if that is the case, but my wishing so has more to do with me than this person. it has to do with forgiveness and letting go, i think, something we humans could stand to do more. now i just need to tackle a few other thorny forgiveness issues.
today i am hoping to see my mother. i am worried about her. she was dizzy a lot this weekend - she thought it was her ears. her doctor didn't even look and set up appointments for an MRI and an MRA, to check out her carotid artery. a couple of years ago, right after her heart surgery, she had a series of TIAs (transient ischemic attacks), which are like small warning strokes. there was some minimal damage to parts of her brain, but nothing serious.
so, i want to see her. cherish her. let her know (even though she already knows, without a doubt) that i love her. she is the most amazing woman, my best friend, and i simply do not know how to even think about anything else happening to her medically.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 13th, 2005 at 7:45 am and is filed under Family, Journal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
