path path path
for the last couple of months, i have seriously been considering applying to law schools for next fall. i have done my research, downloaded my forms, figured out the LSAT dates, and pretty much decided where to apply. yet, i have not filled one thing out. it keep sitting here on my desk.
i have had more than enough time to fill out the beginning paperwork to get the ball rolling, but something is holding me back.
i am not quite sure what my own deal is, but on some level i think that while i know that i would do well in law school, and that i have the ability to be a good attorney, i just cannot get my head around it. or maybe it is my heart that just wont get around it, get into it.
there are several practical issues i have with becoming an attorney, those mainly being moral and financial, and how those things interplay. in other words, i do not wish to get into a field of law that would make a bunch of money. regardless of what i do in my life i want to be helping people, this is what i am made to do here on this earth. so i see myself working for the ACLU or being a public defender or some such equivalent, were i to actually make this happen. what with the tremendous expense of law school, even locally, it feels like a dangerous gamble to take. i don't want to take out a bunch more loans, and then still not be in a position to pay them off, because i am unwilling to work in some unethical manifestation of the schooling i have undertaken.
most importantly, i need what i do to feel my soul, and feed the souls of others, and i am having doubts as to whether being an attorney can do this. i veered away from that path years ago, for good reasons, and have been happy for it. the only problem is that doing the things that most feed my soul are not paying any bills - heartbreaking as it is, mothering and deejaying do not add up to food on the table.
how do i marry that to the fact that i want to be able to help my son through college, provide him music lessons if he so desires, have health care, eat healthy food, and save for when my body will no longer tolerate hard labor? am i missing something here? there has got to be a way for me to be challenged, giving, turned on!, and still make enough money to have a moderately comfortable existence.
i need a bright idea. i am very possibly being impatient, i realize this. my brain needs to settle down enough to let that inspiration, that lightbulb, whatever it may be, bubble up from the depths. i know it is deep down in there somewhere.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 21st, 2004 at 11:06 pm and is filed under Journal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
September 22nd, 2004 at 12:16 am
it's just fear.
that bastard of defeatism comes a knocking and somehow we find him irresistable. like a lover who does not love you.
send him packing.
fill out the forms.
love,
Sunshine
September 22nd, 2004 at 8:17 am
i started them after i published this last night. just have to analyze everything to death before i take action, it seems.
picking up a copy of my 1040 from my accountant friend today and putting them into the mail.
September 22nd, 2004 at 2:53 pm
I believe civic, corporate, criminal law are the areas that get the worst rep for being messy/unethical. Real estate law and intellectual property law, these can be shady for sure, but are probably less so on average in terms of gut wrenching shadiness. How many TV shows touch real estate law or intellectual property law? hehe.
Why not call the ACLU and talk to someone about how they did it, if it was worth it, etc.? :)
I work for the patent office as a patent examiner and deal with IP attorneys all day (mostly on paper). Aftering talking to several about being an attorney, the consensus seems to be that in all areas of law the big firms will pay you nicely while working you to death as an associate, then 10 years later when you make partner you'll be making insane money, but possibly still working ungodly hours. The smaller firms (e.g. <10 people) pay less throughout, but are more likely to be like mom n' pop shops and flexible. Also firms in big urban areas are probably going to be more pay and more crazy too, on average.
:)
September 22nd, 2004 at 3:49 pm
law won't keep you from singing or being a great mother, so why wait? go for it woman! i don't exactly have as much heart in my graphics work anymore, but sometimes (not to sound too sold out myself) you just gotta have those "second options" like my photography, or your singing to keep yourself "alive." you would be the coolest attorney on the planet! that's yet another accomplishment that would come along with the time put into it.