it is apparent
that i cannot get one night out without no worries. i am so aggravated in this moment, and really not at anyone in particular i don't guess. just that i cannot go out for one night, til i am ready to come home, without there being something that gets in the way of that.
i know this is part of parenthood, but man it gets old sometimes. its either pay someone a ridiculous amount of money, or drive three hours to have four to myself, or deal with plans being changed at the last minute. i do not feel like i have any freedom in my life, and it is very frustrating.
This entry was posted on Sunday, December 10th, 2006 at 2:19 am and is filed under Journal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.
December 10th, 2006 at 2:36 am
yikes, I was wondering what happened to you.
December 10th, 2006 at 1:25 pm
i had to leave because i got message that jah isaac was freaking out at 12:23. i tried to call, no answer. turns out he was not freaking out except in that moment because he had been threatened to go to timeout for jumping on something. turns out the person taking care of him just wanted to touch base and see if there was an estimate of when i would be home.
basically, if i am called and asked what time i will be home while i am out, when there has already been an estimate of what time i will be home, then i am going to come home. at that point i feel like if someone is going to find me and ask me that, they are over hanging out and i will feel as if i need to leave and come home. i know it was not intended like that, but that is how i feel about it. otherwise, when i get a rare time out, i do not want to be contacted unless it is an emergency. i figure that people understand that, so when i do get contacted, i automatically switch into "there's an emergency" mode, and it really, really, frustrates me to find out there was not one. maybe i am being selfish.
i was/am really bummed about all of that. not so mad anymore. it was just that i took my time talking to one person immediately after getting off the turntables, because i thought i had all kinds of time to move around and visit with people. turns out i did not. there were a lot of people i wanted to see, including the guest of honor.
i am trying to change my perspective and look at it as a blessing that i got to play and be out at all. it just gets to feeling like a job when i have to pack up and leave right when i am done - as if my life is not my own. sorry i missed saying goodbye to you arline. i hope you enjoyed my set while you were there!
December 10th, 2006 at 2:44 pm
It was wonderful to come and hear you spin.
I don't think you are being selfish at all. I can't speak from experience, but in observing my sister, and the frustration (and love) that she feels in a mostly child centered world, I get a sense of your lament. You need a break, and deserve one as well. I don't need to tell you how important it is to take care of yourself, what ever that looks like for you, but I hope you can carve out some Lorin time for your sanity.
What ever you do today, don't go x-mas shopping, as that kissure to be a pisser. (just, well..kinda kidding)
December 10th, 2006 at 2:49 pm
i will not be going shopping, i have no money! so, no worries on that.
December 10th, 2006 at 5:33 pm
if only I could....sort of comes down to money....you find a babysitter and pay whatever for her/him to stay with jah. if only i had a million dollars...xoxo MOM