have you any wool?
over the last few weeks there have been more than the normal amount of family events in my life. christmas, plus my father's retirement, and then a surprise engagement party for my brother and his fiance, who will be getting married in the Bahamas in may.
i love family gatherings as much as i loathe them. maybe it is my capricorn nature that makes me enjoy them, not sure, but nevertheless, i almost always end up feeling let down. i never feel quite accepted. i feel as if i am just 'namby-pambied' when i express my views on anything of import, almost as if i am viewed as that "little girl" with silly idealistic views.
hello! i am 31, i have lived life a little, and i seriously doubt that twenty more years are going to change my views on most of the social and political issues on which we disagree. age does not have to equate to becoming more conservative.
yes, my son likes to scream at the top of his lungs whenever he gets aggravated. his is 20 months old! no, he is not a late-talker, he learns new words everyday. he just doesn't use them very well when he is irate, not unlike many adult humans. he can understand everything you say, so please take care not to say things that may undermine his development as a human. (and i will, too.)
yes, jah isaac still nurses, as he will do until we decide it is time for that to come to an end. (fyi: the world health organization and the american pediatric association recommend nursing for at least two years, more if you can.)
yes, i am often exhausted as a mother, but please do not mistake my exhaustion or my normal exasperation as a mother of a two year old as any indication that i wish i were doing things differently. i love the way i parent, and happily make the sacrifices i do to ensure the best beginning for the most important being on my planet.
now, i realize that this might make some people angry. this is not my intention. i mostly have decided to stop pussyfooting around here at my website, because nice nice all the time is boring, and even more importantly, its not the truth.
the truth is, i do not like the underlying judgment i feel in certain situations. i am willing to admit that some of what i feel may be my own low self-confidence talking, but my instincts tell me that there is still some lurking, underneath the surface, within the jokes, and behind the looks.
i am willing to accept being the black sheep of the family, and even on some level proud, for that means that i am really not a sheep at all. it is my sincerest wish that you will love me anyway, and trust that i know what i am doing, however divergent it may be from your way.
This entry was posted on Sunday, January 2nd, 2005 at 11:34 am and is filed under Family, Journal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
January 2nd, 2005 at 1:09 pm
I'm the black sheep of my family too, for many reasons you well know, Lorin. I find the nose-thumbing of my family to be ironic, however, because I was always the bad kid -- the one with the drug problem, the eccentric, the intellectual, the egotists -- then all three of my cousins turned 16 and the world went to hell.
Now here is the thing: while I have never had a drunk driving or drug arrest in my entire life, to date each of them have had two, two of them have had felony drug arrests! Even though none of us have ever partied together, really, at any time during my extended vacation from thinking, I'm the one who gets blamed. The hypocrisy is astounding. Good thing I didn't get presents for any of their parents this year. I don't want to hear how that Simon & Garfunkel CD I bought for one of them led the kids to independent thinking and taking up marijuana.
I still love the adults. I don't like them much, but I love them all deeply.
January 2nd, 2005 at 2:03 pm
we can have a nursing parade!
we can throw beads at them when they see our breasts, which have more power in raising our children than their so-called well-intended words and opinions.
January 2nd, 2005 at 10:50 pm
interestingly, the couple of folks in my family, or jasons, who i know read this site, are not the ones of whom i speak. unless there is some lurking going on.
if that's the case, speak up, let's work it out!
January 5th, 2005 at 5:12 am
i wish i was there to hug all you wonderful dear freind...the holidays where ,there ,i guess the age has to be the reason,i was wife emily and hank ....im kinda straying from the path of the subject ,but i just want lorin,jason jen jermy , me and emily love you guys alot...... you are always in our thoughts .
January 5th, 2005 at 1:25 pm
i can't say anything here that was not perfectly expressed in lorin's original post, but as a young (and new) parent myself, it kills me to feel teh judgements that float about regarding the ways you choose to parent (especially living in the 'burbs). i love you lorin. i love you everyone! brush that shoulder off. <3
January 5th, 2005 at 1:27 pm
^ you understood (if that wasn't obvious). don't want to brush against that low self-confidence. :p
January 6th, 2005 at 12:33 am
oh i got it! thanks brad, every vote of confidence helps.
:)
January 7th, 2005 at 2:09 am
I think those are feelings we all fall into at times... Yet usually we learn so much from the ignorance and immaturity of the ones that let us down, that we can only elevate... I've dealt with all of it moving back here to Missouri...
Always LOVE.....................Paru
p.s. whats your email?
January 7th, 2005 at 6:59 am
paru!!!
i am soooo glad to see you! my email is the same as my web address, just remove the 'http://' and put an @ in between saturna and thinkhead.
i hope you are well!
love,
lorin
January 7th, 2005 at 12:57 pm
don't worry about your parenting style - it sounds a lot like mine.. maybe if you let people know that judging your choices makes you feel like they don't love you and respect you (and i am sure that is not their intention) - they would get a clue? i had to do that with my parents, and they have come around.
btw - did i ever tell you how much i love your site design - i love the colors especially!
January 9th, 2005 at 11:25 pm
Sorry I missed the chance to see you all before I left Memphis... Sister n law showed up with boyfriend to pick me up, and it started alot of shit... I didn't even get to see my father before I left. I just moved into a 3 bedroom house yesterday... I live by myself... So i would love for you all to visit... Tryin to talk a friend into lettin me throw a party at his club here... I'd like to get you all to send me a couple copies each of what you'r e doing lately. One for me, and one for the club... I'll talk again soon. Love all of you... Have Jen and Jeremy to send thier emails...
Peace and Blessings
Paru
January 11th, 2005 at 1:55 pm
p-ru....so glad you are well............lorin ,hope you are well and all is well .....kiss jah....maybe brad will send some pics of ayden...
how about a group shot of all the kiddies....jah, ayden,jed......but hey that is what photo shop is 4 {right }....