Saturna

i wrote this nearly two years ago, just after my son's birth. happy birthday, my little angel!

in the midst of a very emotional discussion, jason asked me at around 2am monday april 7th iif i was in labor, because i was acting "so intense." i told him no way, but then noticed somewhat cyclical back pain. after a bit i told jason that i may in fact be in early labor and then got up to go to the bathroom - where i noticed a trace of blood after urinating. i shared this info with jason and we decided to shower and get some rest.

i slept until about 6am and woke up to more serious pack pain and a bloody mucousy show. i called amy, one of my midwives, at 7am and she said she would come over around 9am. i laid back down and dozed until she arrived. she checked me and said i was 2.5cm dilated and 75% effaced and that this was an excellent beginning for a first time mom. she suggested that i just chill, eat when i wanted, and call her when things got more intense, either painwise or speedwise. at the time i was about 7 minutes apart and mostly pain in the back.

i laid back down and and rested until about noon, with jason crashed out but waking up to rub my back whenever i needed it. jason got up about 1pm and we had a wonderful day - starting with looking each other in the eyes and agreeing to focus on the positive and help each other through this experience. i pretty much tooled around, ate, let my friends know online that labor had begun. mom came over with her overnight bag and she and i had the joy of watching jason clean the entire house - it was like he was the one nesting.

amy called in the afternoon/evening and decided to come check on me about 6pm. i was still only 2.5 cm, but now 90% effaced. we agreed that i would call her whenever i felt like i needed her. we realized we had no clean towels other than what was set aside in the birthing bags, and since things were moving slowly, mom went home, washed two loads, fed the dog, etc. jason and i walked over to the grocery to get some veggies for the after birth meal. several people at the grocery asked when i would have the baby and when we told them that i was in labor, we got the funniest reactions - when we told them we were doing it at home, reactions ranged from disbelief and suspicion to big smiles and votes of confidence.

back at home the contractions began to get a little more painful - mom returned and i took a shower and we put in The Royal Tennenbaums - watched that for a while and then i decided to call amy. she came over about 2am and we all basically sat around and relaxed while i moved around my contractions. she and jason had some coffee and i rocked on the exercise ball and tried to keep my body limber. our friends barry and stasa came over to visit around 4am and we also tracked down our friend paru, who we wanted to be there for the birth.

contractions were coming faster, about every 4 minutes, and felt much stronger. about 6am, barry and stasa went home and paru went to dialysis. mom napped a little and i got a good photo of her curled up on the couch. i could not sleep at all because the pain was worse whenever i laid down... so i was all over the house. i asked amy to check me about 6am and she found that i was 6cm dilated. she called martina and kim, the other two midwives, to let them know and they arrived within about 2 hours. jason laid down for a nap and i hung out with the midwives in the nursery/study where my computer was.

throughout the day the pain got a lot more intense - i had to have people apply counterpressure to my back to even make it through each contraction. i was taking showers every hour, taking a lot of contractions on my knees (thus, the resulting rug burns), with my upper body on the exercise ball. into the afternoon i started getting pretty delerious, really realizing how tired i was feeling. i took a bath and i think i might have dozed for a little in there. it really helped the pain to be immersed in water. the atmosphere was still very positive and even party-like at moments. all of my friends kept sending messages on the computer, and kim was having a ball giving progress reports once she very-professionally checked with me before giving out info to people.

at about 3:30pm, 38 hours in, my mom was telling some funny story to everyone and i laughed really hard - i felt a gush and thought that my water had broken. martina jumped up and checked the baby's heartbeat, and kim grabbed a litmus paper to see if it was amniotic fluid. turns out it was just urine - i had been unable to really pee because everytime i sat down on the toilet a contraction would come on strong, preventing me from going. since i was covered in urine, i jumped in the shower again. jason came in with the camera and got some good last minute naked belly pics.

this is the moment after mom made me explode:

i got out and felt like finally going into the bedroom. i asked the midwives to check me again at about 4pm, thinking i had surely made some progress since my last check 10 hours before. amy took a look and i was still at 6cm, which was surprising and somewhat disappointing considering how hard i had been working. kim wanted to check me to see why no progress and she found that the baby's head was transverse, trying to come through my cervix sideways. she tried to turn his head and as she was doing that, my water broke. i also dilated 2cm in that moment, getting me up to 8cm.

things really started to pick up at that point - i was standing with one leg up on a chair during contractions, alternating legs with each one, to try to work the baby's head around. they were really hitting me hard and i kind of felt bottom heavy - so i went to the toilet and did a few contractions there. i called one of the midwives in there because it was getting too intense. martina came in and gave me a really inspiring talk. she told me that this is when the real work started - that this was more than about physically birthing a baby - that this is when i would have to find it deep within my heart to make this happen, as i would often have to in my future as a mother. i did a few more contractions and then moved back to the bedroom. i remember thinking, "let's do it!"

from this point on, things are pretty fuzzy. the next main point i remember is needing to push and then being checked. my cervix was fully dilated, but a piece of it was swollen and preventing the baby's head form coming through. amy applied some evening primrose oil for a few minutes and then finally the baby's head began moving down.

i remember pushing in every position you can imagine. i kept thinking that it was taking longer than i thought it should, but i just kept on because i thought maybe my time sense was messed up. everyone in the room was totally devoted to encouraging me - jason was completely with me - he was holding me up, literally and figuratively - he would hold me while i was squatting and whisper things in my ear in between pushing.

jason holding me up during a contraction:

i guess at some point i began passing out in between contractions, because i mainly remember just pushing. i remember being in extreme pain, more than before, during several contractions. the next day the details were filled in for me - apparently, the baby's head was sideways and not able to get through my bones. his head was almost too big. martina decided to use both hands and internally lift up on my pelvic bone during each contraction. this hurt like nothing i have ever felt, but it worked.

the baby's head was finally really moving and i got down to pushing him through my birth canal after nearly 3 hours of hard work. amy began to apply hot compresses and oil to prevent tears and kim was giving me tough talk because i was starting to give up. my mom was right next to me and jason right behind me, kim on my other side, amy in front of me commanding good eye contact. i remember being so exhausted and not feeling like i could make it. it was literally taking all of them to physically and spiritually help me through.

the baby's head started to crown and someone got a mirror - when i saw only a quarter sized piece of head was there, i got discouraged and asked them to take the mirror away. a few minutes and a few more contractions later, much more of his head was showing and i was able to to reach down and feel him as i pushed. this helped me a lot because i was able to gauge how much progress i was making with each effort.

before i knew it, his head was out, and then i gave that last push and amy set him up on my chest. his little head was really swollen and mishapen from having to sqeeze through my bones, but he was alert, eyes open and making little whimper noises. he lifted his head in those first few minutes while jason and i sat there blown away.he was behind me so my mom cut the cord once the placenta was delivered and the pulsing had stopped. the baby latched on within the first 20 minutes and pinked up nicely. when i asked him if his name was isaac, he got really quiet and looked directly at me, so the one name we were not sure about actually turned out to be just right.

five minutes after birth:

four days old:

and today, you are two years old. i cannot believe how fast time has whooshed by. you are talking, climbing the walls, and singing (oh, how you sing!) and you continue to show us the best things about being a human. being with you everyday is the hardest and most wonderful challenge i have ever experienced. i hope with every part of my being that i am helping to give you the tools to be happy in this crazy world, for you are the happiest thing that ever happened to me.

singing, a couple of months ago:

i love you, jah isaac kahlil.

This entry was posted on Friday, April 8th, 2005 at 8:15 am and is filed under Family, Journal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.