Saturna

today has been a very difficult day for me.

i wanted a relaxing day. it started to rain so i thought "alright!" i planned to lay on the couch and relax and chill with jah isaac.

jah isaac had other plans. specifically, to disobey and smart back to me at every turn possible. i am usually pretty lax about letting him be expressive and even overly-exuberant, but today i came to the realization that something needs to change, and quick. i found myself yelling a lot and being very angry at my son.

(i am sure other things played into this, like my new car being broken down and at the mechanic, my charger to my phone being left in knoxville last weekend, my car charger being left in the car which is now at the mechanics, etc, etc. little stuff, i know, but its the little things that make things go smoothly, in my book.)

so, i decided to crackdown on timeout. my son has, since about 3pm today, been in time out at least nine times. we have talked. and talked. and talked. he continues to test me, act like he is not listening, flat out stare me in the eye and do things which i have disallowed. i am not a hard ass. but we will not hit, throw, decimate the house, climb all over the furniture, jump from couch to couch, while i am in the middle.

i have had it. i feel like a terrible mother because of how much i have yelled today, because it just generally sucks, and it is not at all effective.

funny thing is, people do not believe me when i tell them this happens, because jah isaac is very well-behaved elsewhere and with others. i guess he feels safe and knows i love him no matter what, and that is why he chooses to test his boundaries with me. which is good, albeit hell at moments for both of us.

so i am on a discipline crackdown, and doing everything in my power to be fair and firm, talk about it, yet still lay down the law. it is so exhausting. thankfully i got to talk to my mom for a bit before the phone up and died. now a shower and a good cry and hopefully, a peaceful bedtime.

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 31st, 2007 at 10:03 pm and is filed under Family, Journal, Motherhood. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.